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21-Mar-2020 05:45

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When both of you are coming from the place of “I do things for you because I love you and I want you to feel appreciated” then your relationship will flourish.Sexual intimacy is a mutually beneficial act that makes both parties feel loved.If they ever use sex (either as a reward, or withholding it as a punishment) as a tool to get what they want then you can be sure this is a massive red flag.This behaviour is manipulation pure and simple.“If you make dinner we can have sex tonight…” RED FLAG!And if your partner is unwilling to give you that, this is a bright red flag.Helping someone evolve is one thing, but if your partner is trying to control every aspect of your life it erodes your self-esteem and autonomy.If they use it as a bargaining chip under the assumption that it doesn’t benefit them just as much as it benefits you, then maybe you need to have a conversation about what would make it more fulfilling for them. While you don’t want to be keeping track of relationship reciprocity per se (see #3), it doesn’t feel good to be in a one-sided relationship.If one person isn’t as invested in the relationship as the other, then it is a lose-lose situation.

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Pushing someone to grow in ways that benefit them is one of the best things that comes from relationships, but if it feels like they treat you like more of a project than a partner, then this is a huge red flag.

So if you want to save yourself time, heartbreak, and energy, and have a helpful checklist to refer to that will help you find your significant other that much faster, read on. You might even see some of your own behaviours in this list.

Here are twenty red flags to watch out for in your intimate relationships.

If early on in your relationship your partner talks exclusively in “I/Me/My” statements without throwing in the occasional “We/Us” statements, then this might allude to the fact that they don’t see you in their future (or that they have intimacy issues).

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If your partner has self-esteem and boundary issues, they will find it very difficult to give you any space in the relationship.If the only thing they have to say about their exes is negative, then they either aren’t finished emotionally processing their baggage, or they are a resentful and bitter person who engages in trash talking former flames. Whether they hesitate to introduce you to their friends, they hide you from their family, or they are reluctant to have any proof of you on their social media feed, these types of behaviours all speak to a lack of pride in being with you.